Aug 1, 2008

QB or not QB?

Stanford has Three Amigos? I think not

By John Reid / Daily News Staff Writer

Stanford football coach Jim Harbaugh has set a timetable for naming his starting quarterback. Either Tavita Pritchard, Alex Loukas or Jason Forcier will be tabbed No. 1 after the ninth practice. Day One of fall camp (even though it's summer) starts tonight at 6 p.m. It goes without saying, Pritchard, Loukas and Forcier have been playing psychological games to one-up the other, in hopes of landing the No. 1 job. Let's listen in on their conversation, shall we?



PRITCHARD: Excuse me, lads, but I made seven starts last season. That's seven more starts than either of you has combined in your respective collegiate careers, for what they're worth. I don't think there is a question that I'm the No. 1 guy.

LOUKAS: Yeah, but you were 2-5 in those starts. Sorry to break the news, but we're not really looking for that kind of win-loss production this season, TP. Whoa! Did I just say that? I kill me.

FORCIER: Listen. I plan on being the Forcier force on the field this season. That's why they call me Forcier. Call it a Force-ier Field, if you will, but I'm the kind of guy who forces the issue when I see fit. I'm the en-Forcier-er! May the Force-ier be with you!

PRITCHARD: And also with you. Stop that, already! You shouldn't be called "Forcier." You should be called "Transfer-er." You couldn't make it at Michigan, so you transferred here. And Michigan is a running school. Even in high school, you transferred from Mater Dei to St. Augustine for your senior year. You can't stay in one place.

LOUKAS: Yeah. And at Michigan, you only threw three passes.

FORCIER: But, I completed all three, a 100 percent passing rating. Well, sounded good when I said it.

PRITCHARD: How many passes have you attempted at Stanford, Alex, Mr. Yet-to-see-action?

LOUKAS: Well, I, er ....

PRITCHARD: That's what I thought. Zero. Zip. Nilch. Nada. Goose egg.

LOUKAS: OK, we got it. I never got the chance, but I will this year. Did you see me in the Spring Game? I was the best quarterback on the field. I threw a beautiful touchdown pass to Doug Baldwin and ran for around 70 yards on one play. Our top two running backs, Anthony Kimble and Toby Gerhart, don't even have a career-long best of 70 yards. I'm such a great athlete that I even played receiver, catching three passes for 30 yards, breaking a tackle or two in doing so. Gee. If I could only pass to myself, I would be a one-man wrecking crew. Afterwards, coach Harbaugh said I was the difference in the Spring Game. I'm one mean hombre. You had better look out. There's a new sheriff in town. I feel good, da-da-da-da-da-da, like I knew that I would, da-da-da-da-da-da.

FORCIER: Let me state my case, boys. Until our running game gets in gear, which may be in 2056, we need a scrambling quarterback. And there is no better quarterback on the run than me. You see me in the Spring Game? I completed seven passes for 116 yards, including a 33-yard touchdown pass to Ryan Whalen. FYI, my last name is pronounced FORCE-e-air. That's "Air" as in Air Force. I can do it through the air, as well as on land. I'm also a good swimmer, so I might as well throw in 'by sea' while I'm at it.

PRITCHARD: Well, speaking of the military, I didn't want to use this bit of ammo unless I had to, but I feel it's time. In case you two didn't catch what happened last year, I led our team to, let's say, a minor victory over USC at the Los Angeles Coliseum. There were 85,000 Romans in the Coliseum to watch us Christians being thrown to the lions. But the lions got acid indigestion when we - 41-point underdogs - stunned the Trojans 24-23. I hit Mark Bradford on fourth-and-goal for a 10-yard TD pass with 49 seconds left for the game-winner. It was called "The Greatest Upset Ever." Many T-shirts of that ilk were sold, but I got no royalties, darn it!

LOUKAS: I saw it. I was there. I also saw Sherman make an off-the-charts catch on fourth-and-20 to keep the game-winning drive going. If he doesn't make that catch, you're just another last gasper without air to breathe.



FORCIER: And one other small detail, TP, not to team up with Little Loukas here. If original starter T.C. Ostrander doesn't have a bad reaction to some medication the previous Sunday, you don't get the start against the Trojans. And, maybe, it's T.C. who makes history. Hey, that's a rhyme!

LOUKAS: And, even further. T.C. recovered enough to replace you as starter for the Big Game, Harbaugh was so disgruntled with your performance. T.C. threw for 151 yards to your 45 yards. Sorry about that one, but you asked for it.

PRITCHARD: Well, I threw for what proved to be the game-winning touchdown - a one-yard pass to Austin Gunder with eight minutes to go in the third quarter. I think it was the old "Under Gunder" route. We don't win the Big Game if I don't make that pass. So there!

FORCIER: So why aren't you the clear-cut starter going into this year, Tavita-wita? There must be a reason for it. The depth chart lists Tavita Pritchard OR Alex Loukas OR Jason Forcier, the key word being "OR."

LOUKAS: Jason, it's really a two-man race between me and Tavita. We're 6-foot-4 and you're 6-2 and that might be in high-tops. We need a QB who can see the field.

FORCIER: Tell that to Small of Fame quarterbacks Doug Flutie, George Mira and Fran Tarkenton. They weren't too small, were they?

PRITCHARD: Listen, fellas, I'm here to tell you it's in the blood. My uncle is Jack Thompson, who toiled under the handle of "The Throwin' Samoan" when he starred at Washington State in the late '70s. Doubt if you can top that.

LOUKAS: Well, my dad, Angelo, didn't play quarterback, but he was an offensive guard for Northwestern before playing professionally for Buffalo and New England. And I have two uncles, one who played at Southern Illinois and another at Wisconsin. Lawdy-dawsky.

FORCIER: Well, my father played quarterback at the University of San Diego, which will have to do, I guess.

LOUKAS: I didn't even know they had football there.

PRITCHARD: All right. Let's cut out the nitpicking. We're in this together, so this infighting isn't doing anyone any good.

LOUKAS: That's the first thing you've said that has made sense, TP. What do you say, Farcier?

FORCIER: Hey, watch you're enunciation there, Loukas Skystalker. Why don't we wish the others luck and may the best man win?

PRITCHARD: Sounds good. Good luck.

FORCIER: Good luck.

LOUKAS: Good luck.

LUCK: Let me introduce myself, boys. I'm Andrew Luck, a true freshman out of Stratford High in Houston, Texas. I was rated the No. 4 quarterback in the nation by Scout.com, the No. 5 overall recruit in the grand state of Texas. I passed for 7,139 career yards and 53 touchdowns in high school and ....

PRITCHARD, FORCIER, LOUKAS (together): Ah, shuddup, rookie and wait your turn like the rest of us!!!!!!



E-mail John Reid at jreid@dailynewsgroup.com.